Now Blues have gained promotion I thought I’d get my crystal ball out again to see what the year ahead holds.

June

Blues are linked with Celtic’s Scott McDonald bringing the total number of Scottish players we’ve been linked with to seventeen. Blues sign none of these players. Our first signing is Lee Bowyer on a free transfer quickly followed by a couple of other players also on frees.

The undersoil heating is finally installed and a new pitch is laid over the top. The board are pleased to announce that it was a bargain as they got it second hand from a sports stadium in Antigua. Only used for twenty minutes.

July

The players return from their summer holidays for pre-season training. Most of the squad went to Eastbourne to be with people closer to their own age. The big screen is installed but due to a technical fault can only pick up BBC Two.

August

On the eve of the season Blues pull off a major transfer coup by signing two of the hottest teenage talents in world football despite major interest from Chelsea and Arsenal. It later comes to light that the deal was sealed when David Sullivan offered to pay half their wages entirely in pornography.The opening game of the season ends in a narrow defeat at Old Trafford.

September

The much heralded debut of our two teenage stars is delayed after they reported to training with suspiciously similar strains to their right arms.

Blues get their first win regardless, a 1-0 defeat of Stoke.

October

Liam Ridgewell makes an earlier than expected return from his broken leg, just in time to score an own goal at Villa Park. Despite the early setback Blues recover to secure a 1-1 draw with a goal by James McFadden. Whilst he’s celebrating the goal an angry Villa fan throws some coins at him which he calmly avoids, picks up and uses to buy a three bedroom house in Kingstanding.

November

Blues win one, lose one, draw a couple. Nothing exciting.

December

Instead of a Christmas party the players decide to put on a nativity play for local schoolchildren. Marcus Bent takes the role of the donkey.*

Blues reach Christmas in 17th. Wolves are a surprising 9th.

January

The undersoil heating gets it’s first test for an FA Cup tie against Rotherham. It works fine and the match goes ahead ending in a 2-0 win. In fact it works so well that it melts every snowman in a five mile radius. Blues also win their 4th round game away at Swindon Town.

In an attempt to replicate the Dugarry signing of 2003 Alex McLeish signs another veteran world cup winner in Alessandro Del Piero. He signs on loan until the end of the season or he retires, whichever happens first.

February

February is a typical Blues month where we get a point against Chelsea but then lose to bottom of the table Burnley. Our cup run also ends as we lose to Blackburn in a penalty shoot out at St Andrews. Garry O’Connor’s final penalty is so far off target that it actually cannons off the big screen. On the plus side the blow has the effect that it can now pick up Dave.

March

This month brings the long awaited return to St Andrews of Steve Bruce in a relegation six pointer with Wigan. The game is a tense affair which is notable only for breaking the Premiership record for the highest number of defensive midfielders deployed in a single match. Unsurprisingly the game is a tedious affair that ends 0-0. The only fans to go away happy are those in the Main Stand who spent the second half watching a re-run of Top Gear on the big screen.

April

Blues start the month in 18th with 29 points and face a crucial match on Easter Saturday with Wolves who have been in freefall since Christmas and are now only a place above. The game is a typical midlands derby and ends with a 2-1 victory to Blues the winner from a Del Peiro free kick. This is followed by another draw with Villa (Liam Ridgewell hat trick). In the most shocking event of the month Blues are awarded a penalty!!!!…They miss it though.

May

The last day of the season arrives with Blues knowing that a win at home against Portsmouth will keep them up. The game is not a classic but fans start to relax when Larsson scores to make it 1-0 at half time. With twenty minutes to go Pompey score an equaliser which with other results could send Blues down. With two minutes to go substitute O’Connor is put through clear on goal. He takes the ball inside the box, shoots and ….. Oh, my crystal ball has gone all cloudy. I suppose we will just have to wait and see.

*That joke was courtesy of Nat J Peters.