An Essential Guide of How to Survive a Summer without Football

“Want to go shopping dear?”

“No, can’t do that, we’re playing…Oh. Wait. We aren’t playing anybody this weekend…”

“Perfect. Get in the car.”

Summer shopping trips. The dreaded sales. Hour after hour of mind-numbing television about holiday homes from hell. Saturday afternoons with nothing to do.

Nightmare

It is scientifically proven that fans suffer from withdrawal symptoms and depression during the post season period. Like myself, there will be millions (perhaps even billions) of people around the world who wonder the streets of city centres lost and confused as they are cruelly pulled into H&M and then New Look and then Primark and then…(you get the idea) by friends and family who revel in the end of season misery of the football fan.

What can we do? Well, here is my guide (to follow the 1,000,000,000 guides that have gone before) to surviving the end of season blues.

1) Support an England Team that has a chance of winning something! Stuart Pearce has worked wonders with the England Under-21 side, and his troops are currently in Sweden, playing in the group stages of the competition. Pearce’s boys won their first 2 games, guaranteeing their passage to the semi-finals, matching their performance in the previous tournament under Pearce. However, in the previous tournament, England were cruelly beaten on penalties by the hosts, the Netherlands.

While the Netherlands were tipped as one of the favourites last time round, that tag has now been passed onto England. The team are an impressive outfit to say the very least, with the experience of Walcott, Milner and Richards blending with the youthful exuberance of Muamba, Adam Johnson and the emerging star of the tournament, Frazier Campbell.

England have already taken on and overcome the threat of Spain, and there are few betting against Pearce’s side winning the competition on 29th June. It’s coming home, it’s coming home, it’s coming. The European Under-21 Championship is coming home…Okay, maybe the song needs some work…!

2) Pass the remote Settle the debate on modern technology once and for all by turning back the years with the help of a TV remote and a DVD.

It’s the perfect time to go and get your season review, as you look back at every high and low in yet another a tumultuous season. This is your chance to relive the moments of glory in amongst a sea of despair and desperation…another normal season then.

If this season wasn’t the greatest, then you can always delve into the archives to reconnect with heroes of a bygone era. Marvel at the magic of Christophe Dugarry and relive the Hawaii 5-0 season, all over again…

3) Get your boots on! How about doing something radical. Something out of this world. Something extreme. How about just getting your replica shirt, your shorts, your boots and your mates and having a good ol’ kick-about. Not that hard, is it?

4) Silly season What is the best thing about summer? The transfer window, of course. So, how about you indulge yourself in a spot of gossip hunting this summer.

Blues to sign Johnson? Young winging it out of Villa? This is the time for ludicrous rumours emerging from sources such as my best friend’s neighbour’s sister’s dog’s friend. This is the time for transfer sagas that never seem to end, and signings that come out of nowhere.

This summer has proved to be no exception as Real Madrid have gone Galactico hunting, whilst closer to home, Blues have pulled a couple of rabbits out of the hat in the shape of Christian Benitez and Scott Dann. This is the time when news of a few signings can provide fans with a major morale boost ahead of the new season.

Hear the rumour about Ronaldo rejecting Madrid in favour of Birmingham? Me neither. Shame, really.

5) Watch teams you have never heard of Champions League qualifiers. Without them, who would have ever heard of teams such as TNS and FC BATE Borisov, the Belarussian Champions (but of course I’m sure that you already knew that one).

This is the chance for a few lesser known sides to claim some scalps and leave their mark on Europe’s premier competition. The qualifiers start on June 30th, handily planned as the day after the Under-21 Championships finish, meaning that you will have no days in between where you resort to such depths as turning on Wimbledon!

6) Watch teams you have never heard of (part II) The Europa League kicks off a few days after the Champions League, as UEFA embark on yet another plan to elongate the competition as much as humanly possible.

If you feel like getting behind Motherwell, then you can tune into the opening games, starting on July 2nd, with Motherwell manager Mark McGhee safe in the knowledge that his team are only 23 games from lifting the trophy. What joy.

7) Watch the old masters at work! Now, I don’t mean literally. You aren’t going to go watch Ian Rush serve customers at McDonalds, or Trevor Francis making cars at your local car plant. What I am referring to is the innovation known as Masters Football.

The series has been run for the past few years and it has increased in popularity each season. The Midlands Masters may have passed us by, but the Mersey Masters, Scottish Masters and Central Masters will all be taking place in the next few weeks. Like the advert says, class is permanent.

Burton Albion away…Love it Pre-season. This is it. The final countdown. This is the time when excited fans travel hundreds of miles to watch your team walk past a team of no-hopers. Why do you do it? Out of love…devotion…madness. Love it.

And, if all of the above fails, then the answer is simple: Lock yourself in a dark room with food and drink aplenty, and don’t unlock the door until August 15th. Actually, that sounds like a good idea…

By akvbcfc

Please visit my website, for more of my views on the beautiful game.