Not the summer of course, although the sun has been hiding for a while now, but the last few weeks before the season starts.

The World Cup has been and gone with it’s usual level of disappointment and now we are all awaiting the start of the new Premier League season. To fill this void we have only friendlies and endless nonsense transfer speculation. It’s the latter that I really hate.

It seems to me that transfers take so much longer to complete than they used to although that might just be because we hear about them earlier. I understand how holidays and the World Cup would have affected things but now everybody is back why can’t these things be sorted. The papers and internet sites are full of stories of possible transfers that have been going on for months some of which were never going to happen in the first place. Our own pursuit of Charles N’Zogbia is an example of this. I first heard about this one at the beginning of May. If he wants to play for us do the deal, if not end the speculation. The signings of Zigic and Foster in May showed that these things can be sorted out quickly.

In January we wanted a striker, had funds to buy a striker but couldn’t close a deal in a month. If we end up missing out on players this month then it won’t be due to lack of ambition or funds but instead due to the way all clubs, players and especially agents go about their business. The way they hold each other to ransom and argue over minutiae really annoys me. Especially if we lose out on a player because we wanted to base part of the transfer fee on certain conditions being met e.g. We’ll play two million up front, another one if he scores twenty goals and the rest if Blues end up playing on the moon.

My solution is simple. Instead of two large transfer windows we will instead have a transfer evening in each country. All the players available for transfer are invited to a big hotel and the managers get to spend five minutes each with the ones they want to buy. It’s will be a bit like speed dating. If they can’t do a deal in that time they move on to the next one. Drinks and light snacks will be provided but no prawn sandwiches so not to upset Roy Keane. Any players left over at the end can throw their car keys into a pot and managers can take their chances.  There could be a disco afterwards and wives and girlfriends could attend as long as John Terry isn’t on the transfer list.

Once the evening is over no other transfers will be permitted and the papers will have to go back to reporting real news. Like that’s going to happen!