Birds can’t play football, but they can try to all the same,
For it’s a mans game enit, and it was a bloke who invented the beautiful game.
After all you need power, pace, passion and girls just weren’t born with gifts like that,
Can you imagine the dressing room, can we wait in ‘ere til it stops raining, pass the blusher, or I ‘ent going out there without a bleeding hat!!
Well joining me today in that dressing room is my favourite group of footballers and a team I admire more than any other I’ve seen. It’s the pride of England, Birmingham City Ladies sponsored by Hollywoooooooooooooooood Monster!!!
Gabs: How are you girls and what do you think of that statement? Okay girls don’t all speak at once, we can do this interview by my powers of telepathy if you want?
Woody: What idiot wrote that Gabs?
Gabs: Well, to be fair me. It’s part of one of my poems. I tried to write it as a bloke who has no idea about the female game, never watched a match and draws his own stereotypical opinion.
Woody: I suppose that’s how some blokes perceive us and our game Gabs. But anyone that watches us play know that is not the case.
Bass: I think most people that do come to our games appreciate that we can play. We like to get the ball down and play football the way it should be played Gabs. But with some people, I guess they just don’t get it.
Gabs: You’re so right girls. It’s nice to stand with supporters, some watching for the first time and they can’t believe the quality within our team. Your game is now semi-pro isn’t it?
Jade Moore: Yes it is. We travel from all over the country to train and play. I’m from Leeds, Marge and Becky are from London and some of the girls like Rachel, Bass and Kaz are local. So it’s a bit of a mixed bag.
Gabs: Becky you must be knackered, you’re yawning already mate. Am I keeping you up? You’ve also got a training session to get through yet! Rachel, by the way, congratulations on making your 100th appearance for England. Your house must be full of England caps mate?
Rachel Unitt: Thanks Gab, it was a great feeling and occasion, but we don’t get caps like the men!
Gabs: Typical, I guess that’s the girls set up. You were a pro at Fulham weren’t you Rach?
Rachel Unitt: Yes I was and it was fantastic going in every day and playing football. The chairman, Mr. Al Fayed was probably a couple of years ahead of the game. I also played in America for the New Jersey Wildcats just the other year.
Gabs: You’re also a film star aren’t you mate?
Blues Ladies: You wanna see those films she’s appeared in Gabs!
Gabs: What are those other films then girls? Be honest, I know some blokes would pay a fortune for them! Seriously girls, it was Bend it like Beckham wasn’t it?
Rach: Yes, they cut us girls at Fulham into it Gabs, it was all a bit of fun.
Gabs: Last season was a good one for you girls at the Blues. Runners up in the League and Continental Cup Finalists. The summer league has been a great success so far hasn’t it?
Kaz Carney: Yes, it has Gabs. With no football in the summer we’re hoping to tap into Birmingham City fans and give them something they don’t get in during those months. You can tune into ESPN on a Tuesday night and catch the package programme Gabs. We tend to get about 500 turn up to the DCS Stadium in Stratford-upon-Avon.
Gabs: Last season was interrupted by the World Cup. This season will also be interrupted, but by the Olympics. How does that work?
Bass: For us, last season was hit the ground running, then we had the break. Some of us went to Germany for a tournament and some went off on holiday. Then we had another pre-season if you like. We have to learn and correct our mistakes from last term.
Gabs: How many of our players are in the Olympics this year?
Blues Ladies: Eight of us Gabs. The six England Ladies , Kerys Harrop and Chelsea Weston.
Gabs: Girls, tell me something about you I don’t know?
Kaz: You know us too well Gabs, but did you know we’re doing Come Dine With me!
Gabs: Oh right, I’ll definitely look out for you on Channel Four then mate.
Kaz: It’s not on the TV, it’s something we do internally Gabs.
Gabs: Tell me about the battle of the sexes shoot out challenge? Rach Williams, did you go head to head with Zigic?
Rachel Williams: No, it was just the local based girls Gabs. I’m too busy grafting mate, I’m a plasterer by trade.
Gabs: I’ll be honest, you and Ziggy, my wallets on you all day long Rach. Matchday’s girls; talk me through a typical day?
Woody: It’s pretty much like any other day Gabs. We prepare for a game in terms of diet, tactics etc, and then we come out to that rubbish you play Gabs?
Gabs: You mean Paul Weller, Woody? Mind you, between 1-4 p.m. you girls pick the music.
Rachel Williams: Yes, but you say ‘right, that’s enough of that crap’ and play your own songs!
Gabs: I have to play UB40’s ‘Food For Thought’ Rach to start the build up.
Rachel: You don’t Gabs….
Gabs: Ok, I don’t, but I do. Then we build up to Mr. Blue Sky and the Tamperer. If you could have a 1-2-1 with anyone, who would it be?
Marge: Christopher Biggins.
Marge: I just like him Gabs.
Gabs: Okay fair comment. If you could jump into the body of any player, past or present, and play out that role in a game, whose body would it be, and in what game?
Rachel Unitt: I’d jump into David Beckham’s body.
Gabs: I bet he wouldn’t mind jumping into yours Rach!
Gabs: What’s the best bit of advice you’ve ever been given?
Jade Moore: Don’t eat yellow snow!
Gabs: Another one of Jade Moore’s pearl’s of wisdom! Right girls, you’ve reached the final of the F.A. Cup for the first time. Congratulations, how do you feel and what do you make of the lack of media coverage?
Kerry Harrop: Being a local girl it’s fantastic to be playing in the F.A. Cup Final.
Marge: The media coverage isn’t like the men’s, but there isn’t the money and the sponsors in our game.
Gabs: Fair comment, but Blues Ladies do have Showpax , Birmingham University, Burrda and Hollywooooooood Monster mate.
Reevesy: Gabs, is this how they do it on Sky?
Gabs: No mate, if Geoff Shreeves was doing this interview he’d find out if any of our players were suspended and remind them that they will not be playing in the Final! Well girls, we are doing our bit and giving Birmingham City Ladies extra column inches, after all every inch counts. We’re also doing an F.A. Cup Final song and Video with Recollector.
Ladies: Have we ever done that before Gabs?
Gabs: Don’t think so. We’ve only ever been in two F.A. Cup Finals, and in 1956 video’s weren’t invented and as for 1931, I don’t think anybody had a record player. We’re hoping to get a massive following for you girls, how would that make you feel?
Kerys: It would be tremendous to see loads of Blues fans and singing ‘Keep Right On’ for us Gabs. It could, and would, make such a difference, you really will be the 12th man.
Gabs: Well we’re trying for you lot. I’m hoping to get the Forza Blues to launch at Bristol City’s Ashton Gate on 26th May – 12:30 kick-off and it’s also live on Sky. We are trying to get a load of coaches laid on, so watch this space! Right girls, we’ll leave it there, you go and do your training session and I’ll finish me poem off. Oh, and Kaz, cook me up something special on the 26th. Til next time girls. It’s been a pleasure, you’re a different class. With wealth and love tis so, but onwards we must go, Keep Right On to the End of the Road.
Right, on a serious note, it’s the country’s fastest growing sport and I love to watch ‘em play.
You feel like a fan, instead of a customer and F.I.F.A reckon 40 million females play the game today.
Their game is based around different qualities to ours and as a fan, you don’t have to sit on a seat.
And girls are tidier than us blokes, perhaps that’s why their football’s rather neat.
You don’t have to re-mortgage your house to buy a season ticket and players will actually acknowledge you when leaving a dressing room door.
And it’s quite nice to fancy the opposition for a change, instead of hating them. I find that strange coz I’ve never fancied a footballer before.
So after being banned for 60 years, these modern girls are now rightly allowed to follow their dream.
And if you still don’t believe me, why don’t you click onto www.birminghamladiesfc.co.uk and you’ll see just what I mean.
KRO – The Gabbie Cabbie