Agony Aunt

Posted on July 20, 2006 
Filed Under Funnies

Below is a letter published in a New Zealand personal advice column.

I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy. My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to a guy from Birmingham, England. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Mount Eaden Prison, Auckland, for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in the Wellington remand centre on charges of abuse of his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Christchurch and indeed is still a part time “working girl” in a brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancee utilising her knowledge of the industry, working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin.

My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being an Aston Villa fan?

Comments

3 Responses to “Agony Aunt”

  1. daddyblue on July 20th, 2006 11:31 pm

    no way she will think you have no morals

  2. Ribeyeblue on July 21st, 2006 9:16 am

    Tell her and get it off your chest. Being Thai, she might mis-hear and think you said your brother-in-law was an ‘Arse-Tongue Virus man’ and then suggest a good STD clinic for him to attend.

  3. Steve on July 24th, 2006 1:41 am

    Hillarious – made me cry.KRO

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